Kate Melvin✓

Please don't say you don't celebrate Halloween because It's a satanic holiday and you sleeping with someone else's husband.

How are yall still stinking in the cold? If you get close enough to me smelling like ass or fish I'm calling 911.

Whoever scheduled the fall of democracy in the midst of Gen X perimenopause did not read the room. Tf?

The guy behind me honked because I was going 65 in a 65 so now we are both going 40. Welcome to Menopause, Chad.

Men will make fun of pumpkin spice lattes, then turn around and drink 12 Oatmeal Raisin Queef IPAs.🙄.

Fool me once, domestic violence Fool me twice, Gypsy Rose.

My period lasts longer than Katie Zacharia did as Press Secretary.

My husband is dressing as Chris Hansen for Halloween and showing up to people's houses while they're giving out candy to children and asking them "you see how this looks, right?'

Luna is not happy about her chew vest. 😂🤣

My morning started off with a bang...literally. I woke up to my husband running down the hall and smashing into the wall. I said WTF are you doing!? He said there was a snake coming out of the wall so I went to look. It was his phone charger.🙄

*My family was talking about how excited we are for Fall and Winter* Me: What is your favorite season? My Latina Mother in law: Paprika

Random follower: Can you talk about something besides Menopause? Me: Sure! We can talk about your episode of Dateline if you don't stfu.

Menopause: What are your goals for the next few months? Me: I'd like to lose a few pounds. Menopause: The best I can do is a mustache. Me: 😒

Stop giving kids biblical names because Moses is out here eating ass and shooting people.

Canada must feel like they live in an apartment above a meth lab. 🫠

Have yall had Menopause itch in your ears? My morning so far: Husband: Your ears can't itch that ba- Me: *rage screaming* SHUT TF UPPPPPPPP!🤬 Also me: Lunch is in the fridge. Love you. 🤗